The most inappropriate places
by Argendriel
Summary: Full title: The most inappropriate places at the most inappropriate times. Kink-meme-fill: "Itsuki likes to make out. ... Everywhere."


**Disclaimer:** If I owned the series, my Japanese would be so much better than it is...  
**Kink-meme Prompt: ** "Itsuki/Kyon, Itsuki likes to make out. ... Everywhere."  
**Notes:** This really was a lot of fun. Not all that much plot, but I still tried to fit at least something like a plot in there XD But I guess, that what happens when you fill kink-meme prompts XD  
Please excuse the grammar errors and possible typos. English is not my first language.

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**The most inappropriate places at the most inappropriate times**

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Kyon was kind of twitchy.

The SOS-Brigade was on an excursion once again, investigating some strange rumours that had been floating around school the last few days. From the second Kyon had heard that rumour for himself, he had been expecting that sooner or later, Haruhi would become interested in it.  
Thus, he wasn't very much surprised when, two days later, Haruhi stomped into their club room, announcing in her usual brash fashion that The Great SOS-Brigade was going on a field trip to investigate the strange and mysterious happenings reported to her via a completely trustworthy source.

As per usual, noone except Kyon questioned Haruhi's decision, and as per usual, Kyon's objections got ignored. And now, a shopping trip and some plotting and planning over a couple of drinks later and with Kyon's wallet considerably lighter, they had finally reached their destination and split up.  
And Kyon was twitchy.

This of course, had nothing to do with the place they were in or the time of day they had (really, only small children were afraid on a cemetery at dusk, small children an Mikuru-chan, who was probably sitting behind a bush crying her eyes out or being harassed by their fearless leader).  
No, the reason why he was uneasy was the their second-in-command, or rather, the strange absence of the same. Koizumi had been strangely reserved for the whole day, no unnecessary ventures into Kyon's personal space, no whispering into his ear, not smiling at him all that much with a suggestive look in his eyes, not winking at him when noone was looking...

And not ravaging his mouth in the most inappropriate places at the most inappropriate times.  
Because this was something Koizumi seemed to have taken a great liking to.

Kyon still didn't understand why he had given into Koizumi's 'courting' after all that time of considering himself a very much heterosexual and not in the least bi-curious individual, but it seemed 'not in the least bi-curious' had been a miscalculation on his part.

He supposed that the kiss Koizumi had given him that drunken night on that stupid remote island had done it. He still was pretty sure it didn't have anything to do with Koizumi's feigned-seeming character - which got under his skin but not in a positive way, it irritated him more than anything else. But Koizumi was a darned good kisser and he had left Kyon quite breathless that night.

Then, after it seemed that even in the following weeks Kyon didn't want to rip his head off, Koizumi had begun thinking that Kyon might have forgotten about that little incident (which he hadn't, quite on the contrary) and to be sure, he had started randomly dropping suggestive (more suggestive than normal, that is) comments, brushing against Kyon even more often than usual and invading his personal space on an even more regular basis.

This went on, and on, until Kyon one afternoon alone with Koizumi in the club room, was finally fed up with the teasing, and demanded Koizumi to either drop it or do whatever he thought he was doing properly. He had been secretly hoping Koizumi, once this directly confronted, would go for the former option, but he really should have known that the latter option was so much more tempting.

From that afternoon on (and what a hot and steamy afternoon it had been, he hadn't been able to play a game of shôgi for more than a week afterwards without blushing madly!) Koizumi had developed a taste for jumping him in the most awkward situations.  
The most normal had been the classroom after school where Kyon had been assigned to class duty, wiping the black board, and they nearly had been caught by a teacher who had forgotten something on his desk. Kyon had been tempted to punch Koizumi then, but settled on forcing him to get the chalk stains from his school blazer.

Then there had been the day where Haruhi had been hellbent on dressing everyone, including the male members of the SOS-Brigade, up in brand new traditional Japanese clothes. Suffice to say changerooms where not made for two people and Kyon would never look at the open slits on the sides of hakama n the same way again.

Or the one time in summer, when they had been at the swimming pool again. Getting one's mouth ravaged under water was a great way to get water in one's lungs, no matter if Koizumi's explanation for that little stunt had been that he had 'simply wanted to try sharing air while diving - like in that movie, you know?'.

Speaking of movies- Kyon would never forget that incident at the the cinema where they had used the short absence of Haruhi, Mikuru-chan and Nagato and the volume of the on-screen exploisions to concentrate on... different matters.

Explosions where another cue. One time, trapped in a closed space with Koizumi, the Esper had had nothing better to do than smooching the living daylights out of Kyon instead of doing something to stop that big, shiny ... thing trying to flatten the city.

And there had of course been that one time where they had been running an errand for the Brigade and Koizumi had thought it a great idea to molest him in the cosmetics-and-hygiene section of the fairly deserted convenience store while Mikuru-chan had been just one aisle away, stocking up und their tea supplies.

This list of inconvenient make-out sessions - courtesy of Koizumi - went on and on.  
Which was why the sudden lack of getting jumped made Kyon more nervous than anything else.  
But there was no sign of Koizumi - or any of the other Brigade members for that matter - anywhere near him. Well. The graveyard was quite big and they had been told to split up, after all.

He flicked on his torch, the last rays of sunlight disappearing already, and boredly stared at the many headstones around him. Only Haruhi could believe that there were actually ghosts or ghouls or whatever in a modern cemetery.

Suddenly, there was a rustling noise in a bush a few feet to his right. He directed the light of his torch there, but there was nothing to be seen. Kyon waited a few moments, then, deciding it must habe been a nightbird or a mouse, ignored the bush again.  
The rustling came again after a few seconds, though this time accompanied by a groan-like sound, and Kyon turned towards it once more, eyebrow arched and very much unimpressed.

"You know, Koizumi, if you want to jump me again you can do it without trying to scare me. Won't work anyway." The bush - Koizumi- made that groan-like sound again, just a little louder.

Kyon frowned. "But really- on a cemetery? I knew you were a little strange in the head but this is bordering on downright disturbed."

"Who is disturbed?"

Kyon frowned at Koizumi's voice, coming from behind him, which was not where the bush he had been talking to was located. He turned and flashed his light at Koizumi's face, who shielded his eyes with his hand.

"Wait. If you're there...?"

The person behind the bush chose this moment to reveal itself.

It just wasn't really a person. And it wasn't pretty.

"Oh my. Seems like Suzumiya-san was quite serious about wanting an encounter with some ghouls."

Kyon would have punched Koizumi's smile right off his face if the thing - ghoul? - hadn't chosen this second to jump at them.

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He woke up to someone shaking him and a loud voice a few seconds later.

"Kyon! Wake up!"

Haruhi, screaming into his ear.

"This is not the time to sleep, lazy moron! There are no ghouls around here, the whole expedition has been a waste! You probably scared them away with your snoring!"

Kyon's head hurt, thus he chose to ignore Haruhi.

"Oh well, that's it. I'm going home. See you tomorrow in the club room and don't dare to be late!"

With these words, she stomped off, dragging Mikuru-chan behind her like a puppy on a leash. Nagato - silent as always- kind-of-but-not-quite nodded to him and slipped away into the darkness. Which left him alone with Koizumi.

Kyon sat up slowly, head spinning a little.

"Do I want to know what happened?"

Koizumi smiled his infuriating smile at him.

"Oh, the usual. The ghould attacked, you tried to run, slipped and hit your head on a headstone, Nagato-san interfered, the end. Kind of anticlimatic, but that's better than being eaten by some undead being, don't you think?"

Kyon blinked slowly.

"Yeah. I guess."

Then he caught the look Koizumi was giving him.

"If you are thinking what I think you are thinking, stop it. My head hurts, there could still be some of those things around. And we're on a graveyard!"

This made Koizumi's smile turn even more smug. Kyon swore.

"Oh, I just knew there was something wrong with you!"

But he didn't mind all that much a few seconds later.


End file.
